Draft Four: Endings, the 2024 edition

Plus a best of the year list.

Before we dive in: thank you!

To the more than 3.200 people who signed up for these letters and their odd blend of thoughts about the future of journalism, working life, and recommendations from a 40 something man in Bucharest, Romania. This is the 37^th letter of the year, and your response and support have kept alive something you helped me rediscover in 2023: the pleasure of writing, and the calm of following this (quasi)-weekly discipline.

If there is a space I find flow and meaning in, it’s in this act of sitting down (embrace “the ass-in-chair” method), usually early afternoon on Saturdays, and writing and editing for four-five hours. Phone off, distractions off. It’s a form of joy I can’t describe, and I’m grateful you reminded me of it.

You also showed me Draft Four might be a source of income – more than 35 of you have pledged over 3.250 Euros, which is more than encouraging. If I turn on payments – a decision I’ll make in the next couple of weeks –, your annual commitment is tremendous fuel.

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Over the past few days I read through my 2024 yearly diary: what a year of temporariness. Maybe this word isn’t precise enough – but neither are synonyms like impermanence or transitoriness. The best way to describe 2024 is “in between lives”.

The feeling, reading back, was as if I had embarked on a long train journey, and then stopped to change trains – and I’m still in that station, many months later. Sure, I ventured out, had some unforeseen adventures and high highs, but I also spent tons of time just waiting for that perfect next connection, frustrated when it didn’t turn up. At some point, I had been stranded for so long that I forgot where I was initially headed, so I focused less on continuing the journey, and more on making myself useful around the station.

I might be stretching the metaphor, but I think you get the point. You sometimes hope a certain year is the one where something new begins, and then, as it winds down, you realize it didn’t quite match these expectations. It wasn’t bad either, it just turned out to be less of a start and more of a warm-up, training if you will. (I closed some loops on it in early December).

No better example than the apartment I’ve been in for the past 15 months – I feel like I’m in an Airbnb, great for working, sleeping and taking showers, but this can only work for a while. There comes a time you need a kitchen table (and an actual kitchen, even if you don’t cook).

As further proof, I asked Google Notebook to read all Draft Fours from this year and distill some themes: “The author’s reflections reveal a complex interplay of personal anxieties, cultural influences, and professional aspirations.” (I do admire AI’s capacity for flattery). “His search for meaning and purpose is intertwined with his identity as a Romanian and his desire to contribute to a more just and humane society. The feeling of living in an ‘in-between’ space, while challenging, also fuels his creativity and his determination to find new ways to connect with others and build a better future.”

Damn! AI is really coming for some of our jobs.

Anyway, in keeping with this theme, here are ideas and reflections from this year between lives, followed by a list of books and podcasts series I loved this year. As a bonus: my 2024 playlist.

#1. Embrace a daily diary routine.

I’ve been at this for three years. I use a hardcover Moleskine Daily Planner, which has one lined page for every day, and I write every morning. Getting through one page takes 10 minutes. Sometimes it’s a recap of the previous day, other times I pen childish reflections. There are a few benefits to this: it’s daily writing practice. It helps me think through stuff. It’s a great record of the year. But it’s also do-able – we always strive to incorporate new, healthy, and mindful habits, but give up because “we don’t have time”. Still, as the saying goes: “you can do anything for 15 minutes”. Get coffee if that helps. Have biscuits on hand. Write before bed. Skip it a few times. But give it a try.

General advice: avoid sabotaging yourself, even though we’re in the golden age of me vs. myself.

A twist I added this year to the diary – I wanted to assign more quantitative value to it, so beginning in mid-Spring I rated my mood, my perception of my body, and my financial security. (I rated from 1 – worst, to 5 – best, and I was partly inspired by the work of the late artist Ioana Nemeș and her daily reflections.) While the average of my mood was similar in the first half to the second half (around 3), my sense of financial security greatly increased starting in the fall.

Just look at the chart below – it says so much, and it matches my perception of the year. It also tells a story of what I need: more attention to my body, stay financially stable, and that will elevate my mood and generate motion.

What about you? How’s your 2024 review? You can try some guided exercises to have some perspective – here’s the easy Start. Stop. Continue., and a more complex template from Ness Labs.

🔻 Read my mid-year review here.

#2. That Project Offer: Is It a “Hell Yes!”?

Freelancing has been a journey of contradictions. The autonomy is liberating, but the financial instability can be panic-inducing. I preface this by repeating I am in a privileged position of not paying rent, or loans, or debts, but cashflow killed me this year.

There was a moment early in the summer when I only had a few hundred lei in my checking account, so I subsequently said “yes” to many jobs that only wrapped up a couple of weeks ago – so even if I had some ideas of my own, many were put on the shelf. I’m stable now, and I know that it’s only from this place of relative financial security that one can follow the great advice about getting involved in the projects others bring to you: “Is it a ‘hell yes’? If it isn’t, then it’s a ‘hell no'!”

🔻 More freelancing reflections here.

#3. Confessions of an Insecure Overachiever

I’ve liked the phrase “insecure overachiever” as a descriptor of what I’m (mostly) like. I push myself hard, often too hard, and find it difficult to accept praise. This pattern has been a constant in my career, driving me to take on multiple demanding roles, but it sometimes left me feeling deficient, or not enough. This is a constant struggle, especially when paired with another idea I came across – “self-discrepancy theory”, which says we constantly navigate tensions between three selves: the actual self (who we are), the ideal self (who we aspire to be), and the ought self (who we think we’re duty bound to be). Research says these discrepancies can significantly impact our emotional well-being.

Duty is what I feel I owe my profession or my peers because of my background and experience. But it can also be a break on personal innovation, creativity, and risk-taking. Duty is important, but it can't be the only driving force.
How are you taming your inner overachiever or managing your ought self?

🔻 Read more about this here.

#4. Beware the Power of Story

It’s not news the power of storytelling fascinates me. This year I spoke more about its potential for manipulation. Our brains are wired to respond to negativity and conflict. Simple stories, especially those built on fear and division, hijack our attention, and shape our understanding of the world. As journalists or content creators, we must be mindful: both in the stories we tell, but also in how we understand the stories that people are told by manipulating political figures, such as the man that won Romania’s first round of the presidential race. (We’ll redo the election this coming Spring).

We need to find ways of resisting the urge to reduce complex issues to simplistic narratives, even though that’s what algorithms push us to do on all platforms. Let’s complicate the narrative and embrace nuance, as challenging as that often is.

🔻 Read more about this here and here.

#5. Make Room for Meaningful Inefficiencies

Because the world feels increasingly fragmented and polarized, we alternate between hiding under the cover and craving shared experiences that can give us a sense of collective purpose. Journalism and other forms of imparting civic information or creating community engagement can play a vital role here. But for this to work we need to see beyond metrics-driven impact: numbers alone don’t tell the full story, and we need to stop appreciating and giving money to projects solely on reach or audience size. We also need to embrace “meaningful inefficiencies,” which require prioritizing authentic engagement and relationship-building. Live events, community gatherings, collaborative projects, book clubs – these are the spaces where connection happens, where trust is built, where we can make sense of the world together. Yes, they are meaningfully inefficient, and that’s a feature, not a bug.

🔻 Read more about this here, or in my journalism recap of 2024.

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SIDE DISHES:

1. 5 Books. My Friends by Hisham Matar is a novel that tells the story of a young man exiled from his Libyan homeland, who finds solace and connection in a group of friends in the UK. But what does he do when faced with the prospect of going back to fight for freedom? Intermezzo by Sally Rooney is a novel about two brothers coping with the loss of their father, while navigating complicated love stories and career doubts. All Fours by Miranda July is a riot of a novel about the possibility of change (especially for women dealing with dueling roles). A Day in the Life of Abed Salama by Nathan Thrall is a Pulitzer winner for nonfiction and it provides a firsthand account of Palestinian life under Israeli occupation, exploring the daily realities of conflict and oppression. Elle Reeve’s Black Pill is also nonfiction and it investigates the rise and fall of the American alt-right, delving into the narratives that fuel extremism and online radicalization.

2. 3 Audio Series. Tested explores the stories of female athletes with so-called “differences in sex development”, who face suspicion and scrutiny in the world of sports. Shell Game follows journalist Evan Ratliff as he creates multiple voice clones of himself using artificial intelligence and unleashes them into the world. The 13^th Step tackles sexual abuse and harassment in addiction treatment centers in New Hampshire, but the story expands into larger questions about abusing vulnerable people and who is responsible for oversight.

3. 1 Playlist. Every year I pick some 20+ songs and cram them into a playlist. This year’s opens and closes with the band I spent most my time with, Vampire Weekend. In Gen-X Cops they sing “Each generation makes its own apology”, and Hope is a reminder to focus on what we can control and let everything else go.
   The prophet said we'd disappear

   The prophet's gone, but we're still here

   His prophecy was insincere

   I hope you let it go

   Your enemy's invincible
   I hope you let it go

See you in 2025 – first letter drops January 12.